Holiday highs (and low, low lows)

I don't get it. I love Christmas with all my sentimental heart. But it is such a paradoxical, contradictory time. Not that i mind contradictions and paradoxes; i appreciate ambiguity and confusion when they serve some desirable purpose (such as helping to facilitate intellectual growth...). But this morning i endured an excruciating knot of cognitive dissonance while watching a "SuperFestive" music video.

Before i say any more about that, i need to first emphasize that this is not merely a case of observing something that i was predisposed to despise.

I want to make clear: the negative feelings i have about the video are rooted precisely in my most sincere appreciation and enjoyment of the song in its original version: Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." I agree completely with the critics who have written that the track is "one of the few worthy modern additions to the holiday canon" and "a song of optimism and joy that maybe, just maybe, hints at the real meaning of Christmas." It is for precisely that reason that i have such a sour stomach this morning, after witnessing a bizarre debasement of a beloved song.

The version i'm reacting to is a "duet" (not really) with Justin Bieber. Again, let me say, i don't have any particular negative feelings about Bieber (or his "fever"); i'm not a fan, but i'm not a hater. He's whatever. But the entire premise of this video is incoherent; the execution is brutally tasteless; and altogether the result is a monstrosity so thoroughly unworthy of the original song that it defies description.

So i don't like the video. I think i've established that. But there's something related that also bothers me — enough to go to the trouble of writing about it. I think it's reasonable to expect the video will be widely reviled; however i worry that many objections might manage only to condemn the images themselves (which are lamentably tacky) without asking about how the irreconcilable elements were so grotesquely brought together.

I'm not interested in easy, cynical answers ("it's marketing. duh."); i think there is something particularly surreal and, well, basically wrong about this commercial specimen. And it is to the elements that contribute to its wrongness that i wish to devote a moment's attention.

The biggest failure of the video is that it simply wipes out the actual content of the lyrics. It does not merely contradict them, it (almost) completely reduces them to meaningless sound. In fact, a more honest adaptation would have just dropped the lyrics altogether, and kept only the vocal melody.

Because — this is my primary complaint — this is an advertisement. I don't object to advertising per se. I appreciate all the creativity that goes into efforts to promote cool things. The ubiquity and intrusiveness of advertising really irritate me, but i think it has its place and purpose. For example, it would still be tacky, but maybe not deplorable, for Nintendo to have flat-out taken the song and changed it to "All I Want For Christmas Is Wii U!" (Yeah, i want one too.)

No, it's not simply the fact of the existence of yet another (garish) Christmas-themed advertisement, or the (sad) incorporation of a great Christmas song; or even the (crass) betrayal by which such a marketing effort pretends to be a new cultural product (but that does annoy me). What bothers me most is the falseness and especially the absurdity and incoherence — the sheer, bloody stupidity — of this advertisement.

The product placement is tacky. Sure, i like my Nintendo DS, but what the hell is going on here? Why are the words to an intimate romantic serenade being sung to an anonymous mob in a department store?

There is no "you" in this video. Justin Bieber, for all his coiffed and puckering poses, is essentially asexual — or in something that may be more like the terms of marketing psychology: "pre-sexual." There does not seem to be any sign of a "you" to whom he could plausibly be singing. If his muted erotic existence is meant to suggest a chaste affection or some kind of gentlemanly courtship, to whom is it directed?

Certainly not to Mariah, despite her being conspicuously on display. There is no hint that a romantic connection could be made between the boy and the woman. And that of course is significant. Mariah is not a character in the video. She winks and wiggles for the spectator, but does not interact with other people. She is a mannequin. Ok, nothing new about objectification in a music video, but this is genuine commodification. She is there to behold, brightly lit and ...carefully wrapped. There are sure to be obvious objections to the wrapping. But for me it's all about context: She has none. She is a pretty thing. A desirable thing. She is a product, placed strategically, like the Nintendo 3DS box.

And hey, who wouldn't want one? But that's the thing. Seriously: Where is the love? The whole thing is just freaking bizarre. A virginal boy — is he looking for love? Or just for a good deal? And a sexy, dancing mannequin — is she for sale? Or what? What the hell is going on?

After we watched it, Sara and i talked about all the ways this could have been done differently. The idea of a Carey-Bieber team-up is not irredeemably bad. But there would have to be some major changes. First of all: get out of the mall! It is insane — just freaking ridiculously mindless, heartless and soulless — to be singing "i don't want a lot for Christmas... i don't care about the presents" in a bloody shopping mall. Ok. Then: get busy! Seriously, this is a love song. Why is Mariah not making out with somebody if she's so in the mood? And Bieber: do you hear what you're saying? Who are you singing about? Where are they? If the premise of a romance between the two singers is ruled out (and we might be grateful for that), then why not just tell parallel love stories? Is that hard to come up with?

So, in conclusion:

i hereby accuse the producers of this video of being completely devoid of Christmas spirit. 

There, i said it.

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and rock n' roll forever.

PS: here it is. Don't say i didn't warn you... But i must also provide the antidote! Hope is not lost, and the joy of the season can be quickly restored. To her credit, Ms. Carey has teamed up with Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and a bunch of awesome kids to perform her song in a way that can bring Christmas cheer even to those for whom the lights have lost their lustre.


Justin Bieber & Mariah Carey: "All I Want For Christmas Is You (SuperFestive!)"




Jimmy Fallon, Mariah Carey & The Roots: "All I Want For Christmas Is You" (w/ Classroom Instruments)

The future is now

In order to demonstrate its effectiveness and promote it with the utmost sincerity, I am composing this post entirely using the Dragon dictation software on my iPhone.

It is astonishingly accurate. I am perpetually amazed at its capacity to recognize my words and unusual phrasings.

I struggle to sufficiently emphasize how it can transform your workflow.

Just today, this morning, hours ago: I used it to transcribe an entire chapter of a book that is neither in print nor available in any digital format. That task would have been totally monotonous and prohibitively boring before the advent of this technology. Today, it was actually fun!

This is an entirely new way of getting things done. If you have an iPhone and are alive I cannot recommend this software highly enough. Seriously, go download it now. It will rock your world.

Did I forget to mention it's free?

Superhero Blues

One of the best parts of being a dad is the license to indulge my appetite for superhero-themed fun.

It's also made me more aware of (and ambivalent about) the questionable quality (and, yes, morality) of some of the shows i otherwise unreservedly love. Naturally, i'm happy to witness Roy's enthusiasm for the old 60s Spider-Man cartoon. But there's no getting around the fact that — beyond the infamously crap animation and inane scripts — Spidey often comes across as ... just a bit of a thug, really.

What i remember from growing up is mostly how cool it was to watch him swing above the streets of Manhattan and make that weird squirty web-shooter sound. And of course the song.



What i notice most now, watching Roy watch the show, is how basically Spidey just about always saves the day with a resounding right-hook. Ok, fine. But it's not helping with our efforts to socialize him in a non-smacking-everyone kind of way.

But the point of this post is actually an inspiring story — also (partially) from the house of ideas. A few days ago, a story broke about a 4-year-old kid in New Hampshire named Anthony Smith who was born without a right ear, and only partial hearing in his left. Stories of things like that make my heart ache already, just thinking of the basic existential injustice of it all. But Anthony's mom is a pretty heroic advocate for her son, and when he wanted to stop wearing his hearing aid — which vastly improved his ability to interact with others — she sprang into action.

She contacted Marvel. The result is a new icon. A columnist at CNET says: "I defy you not to be moved by this."



"Fight bad guys and help people." Yup. Maybe not always in that order, but it sure sounds good to me.

Oh, by the way, the best pun i've heard in quite a while has got to be: "The vending machine doesn't take Spider-Sense."

In this world of (mostly) mean and obscene spider-memes, long live The Blue Ear!

Looking back: Nerd Christmas // Looking forward: #Woodcock100

It’s been a memorable festive season for dorks like me. 

First there was the Van Fan Expo (“Vancouver’s first major Comicon”). Which was basically just a very long line of people in awesome costumes, but nevertheless counts, i think, as a big success. There can be no doubt now that local demand for such events is high. 

The good people of the 501st Legion were inviting toddlers for a free photo with Darth Vader. It was fun to see my little buddy up there all chillin' with the sith lord (but for me, the whole “I am your father” thing now seems even more spooky). 

But as if that wasn’t cool enough, i went on to the BIG one: the Calgary Comic & Entertainment Expo! Holy crap, that was crazy. Not only were the lineups long and slow, but on Saturday the place was total chaos. 

I swear it looked exactly like that all day long. 

The Fire Marshall eventually shut the doors. Some people with prepaid passes stepped out for a smoke and couldn't get back in. They were pissed, of course. And it was all over the news that night. 

Having arrived early and remained inside, i was only dimly aware of the drama. I waded through the mosh pit and attended panels on writing and publishing.

By the next morning, those Expo folks had things sorted out (some pulled an all-nighter). Saturday was a catastrophe, but Sunday was smooth and orderly. Better signage and coordination made a huge difference. Overall: spectacular. Despite (severely) underestimating crowds and undertraining volunteers, they brought an ambitious plan to life.

Which brings me to the Star Trek TNG reunion… there’s really nothing i can say. Laughter. Tears. Rapture. The works. What an inspiring assemblage of humans. ’Nuff said.

But that was Saturday night, and i haven't even mentioned the biggest thrill of all, which began Saturday morning and lasted until Monday — with a long, painful catharsis in between. 

Of course, i’m talking about meeting Stan Lee. Just one three-hour lineup and i got his autograph on my copy of Fantastic Four #72 (classic Silver Surfer story).

Unprecedentedly, i sent it to get slabbed by CGC. 

  
I'll die before i sell my precious, but curiosity won. I consulted the oracle. It was somehow satisfying to see what the market has ruled: FF #72 (CGC grade 9.8) Fetches Eye-Popping $25,389. Of course, my copy is nowhere near mint condition. I have no idea what magic number they'll assign it. I’ve read the descriptions of each grade... I guess it could be anywhere from 3 to 7. A fellow in the UK also had one signed by Lee (CGC grade 6.5); he was asking  £475.00 (~$760.00 CDN). Interesting.

  
While i was poking around i saw this amazing 3D poster of the cover, and some guy’s impressive compilation of Surfer highlights.

  
Another three hours on Sunday earned me a photo with Stan.

The photographer was an ass. Clicked without a word of warning. What? I asked if he could click once more, with me and Stan at the ready; he just shook his head and gestured to the next person in line. The next person was Spider-Man. 

  
I waited in line for my print, wishing i had also worn a mask. When i beheld my unflattering 8x10, the evidence of a photographer’s indifference, i felt utterly deflated.

I'd been looking forward to that moment for months; but there was no way i'd be sharing the embarrassing result with anyone. (Yes i'm vain. So sue me. Why else besides vanity would i pay to pose for photos in the first place?) Exhausted, overstimulated, i collapsed on a bench in the Corral. After moping a while, I sad-walked through the stands for the final guests on the main stage: Stan (again), James Marsters, and Sir Patrick Stewart. The stars shone brightly until, with a sigh and a whimper on my part, it was over.

Mom picked me up. Sure, i said: it was fun. But leaving without my prize of a great picture with The Man was a huge bummer. I stuffed the "candid" image away... didn’t look at it again. 

But this story has a happy ending.

Monday morning i reluctantly logged in to the Expo website. Figured i should download my .jpg despite its ugliness. After grabbing it, i thought: Hey, might as well get the next one too: i knew the photo after mine, in numerical sequence, would be the Spider-Man with whom i'd stood in line. So, adding 1 to my own number, i clicked. 

What appeared? Not Stan and Spidey: Stan and me! WTF? That stonefaced shutterbug had indeed taken two shots. There it was. My disappointment disappeared. Whoosh!

The picture is no masterpiece. (Stan’s lips are saying "Sure," he'd oblige me with a thumbs-up. He did — an instant after the click. And as Asshole Adams shooed me away, Stan, with that same patented affability, shrugged "Sorry.") But it’s there. Me and Stan Lee. Stan Lee and me. Together. Looking more or less totally human. For reals. 

So... that was a massive detour through vanity, but what the hell else are blogs for? Anyway, my superhero Hanukkah was hardly halfway over! There were three more celebrations to come:

1) Comicon: The Movie
2) May the 4th — Star Wars Day *and* the Avengers premier!
3) Free Comic Book Day

There are two Joss Whedon movies now in theatres! Avengers deserves an entire post of its own. (Best comic movie ever is a major understatement.) Whedon also co-produced Comicon with none other than the ubiquitous Mr. Lee himself. The two of them have several of the best lines in the film, but Kevin Smith, unsurprisingly, steals the show (with side-splitting cracks at himself and the whole nerd world). Oh and i recently found a cool dissertation on “Kevin Smith and Queerness.”

~

Now i have my work cut out for me — in that other life of mine, as an anarchist philosopher — celebrating the momentous centenary of the late great man of letters, George Woodcock (1912-1995), my admiration of whom i have already proclaimed. Maybe i’ll Photoshop myself into a picture with him too.

I’ve started putting stuff about him (and the event where i’ll join several much more worthy authors onstage for brief readings in his honour) at Woodcock100.ca

ttfn.

Life's a happy song

Yesterday was my birthday. Tomorrow is the last day of my (amazing) job at SFU. Today therefore seems like a particularly propitious moment for reflection and contemplation. Not a lot of time for either though. (Incidentally, i learned the word propitious from Christopher Hitchens. In the introduction to his Letters to a Young Contrarian, which i’ve been re-reading, he wrote that “It's too much to expect to live in an age that is actually propitious for dissent.”)

If last year was the most turbulent, this year has certainly been the most transformative of my life, so far. I’ve learned a lot, and grown (very painfully) too. My experience facilitating classes and tutoring the learners in the Community Capacity Building certificate program has been crucial to many of the personal changes. It’s been an overwhelming honour to work with such an incredible team of educators, and to be a part of such an inspiring project.

It seems more than a little ironic to say so in a blog, but one of the biggest and most important shifts to take place this year is that i’ve been learning to keep more things to myself. ('Nuff said.)

Anyway, looking back, it was exactly one year ago yesterday that i won first place in my first round of UBC’s inaugural 3MT (Three-Minute Thesis) competition. I realized this morning that i never even mentioned it here, so i’ll embed the video.






I was also interviewed for the Education Studies departmental website a few months later, and so here’s a video of “highlights” from that interview.




And while i’m at it, i might as well post the video that best captures my feelings about having survived the age of 33.




I was glad to see The Muppets acknowledged with an Academy Award this year. The film’s theme of growing up spoke, and sang, to me in a profoundly personal way. The best thing i can say is that, along with growing up a bit this year, i’ve also been reconnected with the sense of wonder and benign fortuity that, prior to a period of precipitous emotional overwhelmitude (which mercifully seems to have passed), had been such a big part of my life for so long.

One of Roy’s favourite words these days is “maybe.” It really can be applied in almost any context. I like hearing it. He wished me happy birthday last night. And when i ask myself: will this year be the best one yet? I think he knows the answer.