What a year! I feel so overwhelmingly lucky. Every day has so much to look forward to.
This morning (after transacting with the diaper service delivery guy), i lay quietly in bed and simply beheld the beauty of my sleeping son. Roy looks just like he did in the 3D Ultrasound video (that i watched half a dozen times during Sara’s pregnancy), which kind of makes sense, following the “4th trimester” concept; he mostly holds his hands up by his face, occasionally scratching his head with his little fingers.
I’m so in love with him that it makes me cry.
Sara and i had a good cry together the day before yesterday, when we received Love You Forever by Robert Munsch (as a gift from the Peak House team), and each took a turn trying to read it, and were overcome by our emotions.
How did i get so lucky Santa?!
Did it help that i’ve always believed in you? Were you in fact somehow winking at me, sending these life-altering gifts? And, incidentally… did you secretly underwrite Elf in 2003, ensuring that it would be the first Christmas movie Sara and i saw together (just a few weeks after we fell in love)? Well, if so, it worked. We fell even deeper in love, and Christmas became additionally magical for us.
...
In the time since i started this letter, i have to let you know i’ve seen a new dimension of joy unfold before my eyes. I changed Roy’s diaper, then took him for a stroll around the apartment, and as we stood in the soft morning light by the living room window, he gazed up at my smiling face, and smiled back!
He’s had smiles before, but only ‘inner’ smiles, not ‘social’ ones. He was looking into my eyes, and we exchanged smiles. We did it at least a dozen times!
So Santa, as the central supernatural being in my pantheon, i just want to thank you so much for these blessings that continue to bloom in my life. But also, of course (being aware of the traditional contents of our correspondence), i’m left wondering: how can i possibly reply to your annual interrogative?
What would i like for Christmas?
I won’t bore you with perfunctory disavowals — we both know i am abundantly wealthy in all the ways that Scrooge famously wasn’t, before he met those three spirits that Dickens sent him — so i won’t guiltily pretend to believe that being extraordinarily fortunate (both lucky and privileged) either exempts me from further desires, or renders my desires indecent. (An inner critic asks: How could i ask for anything more? Well... i could ask humbly and politely, for example, with an appropriate measure of gratitude for all that i already have).
I know you’re well aware of my standing order for a Global Peace and Goodwill package (with extra civil liberties and economic justice); so i won't go over that again. I trust your elves are working on it (how are their consensus decision-making workshops going?).
In deference to the annual anti-materialist objections, and the concerns (which i know we both share) about holiday waste, i’ll begin with my intangible wish-list. Oh, but first: thanks for granting my midsummer wish for restored funding to the MAP Van, and for the early surprise of the official renaming of Haida Gwaii! Those things have already made this Christmas great. You rock, Santa.
1) The first thing i would like for Christmas is...
To have some meaningful conversations about the ambiguities of Christmas.
I'd like some progress (new insights, improved dialogue and/or even cultural synthesis) in the ‘[secular] Christmas’ vs. ‘[multicultural] holiday’ schism… (y'know: the distinctly leftist sub-strain of the broader, frequently absurd, Christmas controversy — which usually centres around insane paranoid zealots, bigots and fanatics threatening to boycott any business that shows a hint of secular or multicultural sympathies).
Specifically, i'd like to see some productive acknowledgment of the tensions between those who problematically (often implicitly) assert the ‘secularity’ (and therefore ostensibly inclusiveness) of Christmas celebrations (ie: if “Everyone’s Irish on Saint Patrick’s Day” then can’t “everyone” (who might like to) “be 'Christian'” at Christmas time?), and those (including but not limited to many members of distinctly non-Christian communities [whether atheist, faith-based, ethnic, or ‘other’]), who assert that ‘Christmas’ — no matter how secularized (or in fact deeply pagan) it might be — is a reminder of ongoing, insidious Christian hegemony.
As i’m sure you can understand, Santa, i find myself with (at least) one foot in each camp (of course debates around the socio-cultural ethics and politics of holiday celebrations involve many more dimensions than just these two, and many more issues than can be acknowledged or discussed in one Christmas wish list!).
On the one hand i love Christmas, but on the other hand i’m all too aware that my relationship with this holiday is mediated by layers of privilege…
I’ve always happily rejected Christian dogma, yet i’ve also retained a sense of entitlement to some kind of (albeit vague, secular) ‘Christian’ identity, especially at Christmas. My position is hardly unique (a recent, in many ways disturbing, poll confirmed Canada as a land dominated by “[Christian] believers, but not belongers”). As a “white” / non-racialized “person of pallor” with (long-severed) Irish-Catholic roots, i have the luxury of choosing when i wish to ‘identify’ (usually strategically, [eg: to challenge fundamentalist prejudices]) as any kind of (secular) ‘Christian’. Thus, I can “come out” as ‘Christian’ when it suits me, but also, crucially, no one else has the power to “out” me, because i can legitimately disavow any real (or specifically/narrowly) Christian theological commitment.
[EDIT: i found this interesting post, which articulates a position similar to mine, except i imagine this chap might like to challenge my vaguely pantheistic inclinations.]
The important thing to recognize about this doubly luxurious, optional, loose, secular / quasi-Christianity is that it is — because of the configurations of power in North America — completely incommensurable with the experiences of (racialized or otherwise marginalized) people who are positioned outside of what is normal by their non-observance of Christian holidays, most notably Christmas.
This morning, a Google search for ‘Christo-normativity’ brought me to two interesting and relevant discussions.
The first author, Asher (“an anarchist Jew from Aotearoa / New Zealand”), stated that he is "sick of hearing: ‘Christmas isn’t a Christian holiday, it’s a secular family one!’” Fair enough... But proposing “social revolution” as a solution to complex social conflicts always seems like a cop-out to me. Sure, revolution sounds promising; but what can be done (this Christmas / holiday season) to make a positive difference in this situation?
The second author, Abbey L. Ferber, more helpfully asks: “...how do we create a more inclusive culture, a climate where everybody feels included?” and goes on to say: “I don't have the answer, but I can think of many ideas. As a starting point, it would be wonderful if organizations had meetings or discussions to brainstorm ideas about how to make their environments feel religiously inclusive. Simply demonstrating that this is an issue worth thinking about is one step to making people feel more included.”
It certainly is “worth talking about” of course. She moves the discussion forward by reminding ‘us’ to think about people
“whose religions have unwisely failed to schedule a major holiday in December. Because of Christmas, December has become defined as THE holiday season. Even within Judaism, Chanukah is only of minor significance, yet it has become the most widely known and recognized Jewish holiday because it falls close to Christmas on the calendar.”The last two paragraphs of her post gesture towards my own hopes for the holidays:
“This [situation] is what Shirley Steinberg and Joe Kincheloe call "Christonormativity." It means that Christianity is the normative culture in the US [and Canada], and we are oblivious to what that means for non-Christians. Experiencing the overwhelming sense of exclusion I feel at this time of year, I try to use this insight to understand what it feels like for LGBT people in this heteronormative culture of ours. Or for people of color in this predominantly white culture. It gives me some insight into what they experience all year round. And just as most Christians are oblivious to how non-Christians feel this time of year, my privilege allows me to be oblivious to how it feels to not be white and heterosexual.Hear, hear!
“So, my hope this holiday season is that we will all take a few minutes to stop and think about what it means to have privilege, as well as what it means to strive to be inclusive. Not everyone is made to feel that this is the "most wonderful time of the year."
Nevertheless, i still have some ambivalence. I think that a lot of objections that get raised around Christmas on the grounds that it is actually a Christian holiday are somewhat misguided and historically illiterate, since many of the main rituals we recognize today as ‘Christmas traditions’ are in fact pre-Christian in origin. Does this matter today? Perhaps not much. But i feel like it can help emphasize that Christmas doesn’t “belong” to Christians.
Overall, i believe that Christmas, in its current form in North America, entails (in Nancy Fraser's terms) a serious “recognitive injustice” to all those whom it casts as other. But, while it may be nauseatingly naïve, my first impulse is still to share Kermit the Frog’s sentiment, from his song The Christmas Wish:
“I don’t know if you believe in Christmas / or if you have presents underneath a Christmas tree / But if you believe in love / that will be more than enough / for you to come and celebrate with me.”
So please Santa, bring me more ideas about how to love Christmas and yet also be in solidarity with those whose struggles (against Christo-normativity, among other things) i share. As Ferber points out, such understanding will be of use all year round.
I'll try to be more concise from here on...
2) The second thing i would like for Christmas is:
Increased awareness of (what i call) the “anti-countercultural critique.”
This could be viewed as either subordinate or superordinate to the preceding wish. That is, it could contribute something to the enrichment of dialogue outlined above, but it also has implications far beyond this holiday season…
I wish for many self-identified rebels, activists and indeed anarchists to receive copies of The Rebel Sell by Joseph Heath and Andrew Potter, just as i received a copy for Christmas in 2004 (from my Uncle in Ottawa). Oh, and i hope that they actually read it... Carefully.
3) Following from the above, i also wish for:
Increased popular engagement with democratic decision-making structures that currently exist (and redoubled efforts to expand and improve those structures — specifically to the extent that they can be applied to the economy).
4) Closer to home, i wish for:
The continued health of my little baby. (And for his first words to be something like: “Let's destabilize the gender binary!” Or: “Reinstate provincial grants for post-secondary education!” Or: “I can't believe they're closing the Bloedel Conservatory!” Even just something like: “Fuck the Olympics — we need social housing!” would be lovely).
5) Naturally, i also wish for:
Even more love, luck, happiness and hope for me and my little family throughout the coming year. And in particular the serenity, courage and wisdom to *manage my time* and maximize opportunities to hang out with my baby and my lady.
6) The shopping list
Thank you Santa, for listening to all the above. Now that i’ve mentioned some of my biggest intangible Christmas wishes, here is what you’ve been so patiently and indulgently waiting for: my wish list of things from your magic workshop!
First though, of course, it should be noted: i readily acknowledge that most of the human beings in whom you would usually instill your generous spirit have already acquired whatever material things it is they may see fit to exchange with me during this year’s gift-giving ritual, so this list is mostly for reference and conversation purposes. There’s always next year...
a) An Amazon Kindle (or comparable e-reader device)
You know i would happily get rid of half my library if i could easily replace it with electronic texts for reference. That would be an amazing gift to me and Sara, who has suffered all these years with my ballooning collection.
b) Super Mario Bros. Wii
Dude, i just know this game is going to be awesome. And i promise i will never let enjoyment of it interfere with my real responsibilities.
c) Wii Fit Plus
Santa, i know you noticed i lost some weight this year… Wii Fit gets half the credit. The new version is even better. You might want to get one for yourself too. Just sayin’.
d) Books… there’s a few (of course).
i) A copy of Joseph Heath’s new book Filthy Lucre: Economics for People Who Hate Capitalism
I can only imagine this one’s gonna prompt some major revisions in my thinking, just like Rebel Sell did.
ii) A copy of My Vocabulary Did This to Me: The Collected Poetry of Jack Spicer
i saw this at Duthie Books on 4th. I must have it!
iii) A nice hardcover copy of Joyce’s Ulysses.
Do i need a reason?
iv) Anything by Scott McCloud.
Understanding Comics rocked my world; now i want it all.
e) A sequel to Elf (perhaps featuring Harvey Keitel as buddy’s naughty uncle!)… But only if all the original cast (and crew) will reprise their roles.
f) A time machine.
Hey, you know i’ll just keep asking every year until i get one...
Well Santa, i'm sorry my letter was a little long this year, but i’ve had a lot on my mind. Please give my very best wishes to Mrs. Claus and everyone at the pole.
In solidarity (with Christmas spirit to make your sleigh fly),
ryan andrew murphy
PS: we just finished watching Love, Actually (again). So i'm all teary-eyed (again).
Merry Christmas from the three of us.
