Before i say any more about that, i need to first emphasize that this is not merely a case of observing something that i was predisposed to despise.
I want to make clear: the negative feelings i have about the video are rooted precisely in my most sincere appreciation and enjoyment of the song in its original version: Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." I agree completely with the critics who have written that the track is "one of the few worthy modern additions to the holiday canon" and "a song of optimism and joy that maybe, just maybe, hints at the real meaning of Christmas." It is for precisely that reason that i have such a sour stomach this morning, after witnessing a bizarre debasement of a beloved song.
The version i'm reacting to is a "duet" (not really) with Justin Bieber. Again, let me say, i don't have any particular negative feelings about Bieber (or his "fever"); i'm not a fan, but i'm not a hater. He's whatever. But the entire premise of this video is incoherent; the execution is brutally tasteless; and altogether the result is a monstrosity so thoroughly unworthy of the original song that it defies description.
So i don't like the video. I think i've established that. But there's something related that also bothers me — enough to go to the trouble of writing about it. I think it's reasonable to expect the video will be widely reviled; however i worry that many objections might manage only to condemn the images themselves (which are lamentably tacky) without asking about how the irreconcilable elements were so grotesquely brought together.
I'm not interested in easy, cynical answers ("it's marketing. duh."); i think there is something particularly surreal and, well, basically wrong about this commercial specimen. And it is to the elements that contribute to its wrongness that i wish to devote a moment's attention.
The biggest failure of the video is that it simply wipes out the actual content of the lyrics. It does not merely contradict them, it (almost) completely reduces them to meaningless sound. In fact, a more honest adaptation would have just dropped the lyrics altogether, and kept only the vocal melody.
Because — this is my primary complaint — this is an advertisement. I don't object to advertising per se. I appreciate all the creativity that goes into efforts to promote cool things. The ubiquity and intrusiveness of advertising really irritate me, but i think it has its place and purpose. For example, it would still be tacky, but maybe not deplorable, for Nintendo to have flat-out taken the song and changed it to "All I Want For Christmas Is Wii U!" (Yeah, i want one too.)
No, it's not simply the fact of the existence of yet another (garish) Christmas-themed advertisement, or the (sad) incorporation of a great Christmas song; or even the (crass) betrayal by which such a marketing effort pretends to be a new cultural product (but that does annoy me). What bothers me most is the falseness and especially the absurdity and incoherence — the sheer, bloody stupidity — of this advertisement.
The product placement is tacky. Sure, i like my Nintendo DS, but what the hell is going on here? Why are the words to an intimate romantic serenade being sung to an anonymous mob in a department store?
There is no "you" in this video. Justin Bieber, for all his coiffed and puckering poses, is essentially asexual — or in something that may be more like the terms of marketing psychology: "pre-sexual." There does not seem to be any sign of a "you" to whom he could plausibly be singing. If his muted erotic existence is meant to suggest a chaste affection or some kind of gentlemanly courtship, to whom is it directed?
Certainly not to Mariah, despite her being conspicuously on display. There is no hint that a romantic connection could be made between the boy and the woman. And that of course is significant. Mariah is not a character in the video. She winks and wiggles for the spectator, but does not interact with other people. She is a mannequin. Ok, nothing new about objectification in a music video, but this is genuine commodification. She is there to behold, brightly lit and ...carefully wrapped. There are sure to be obvious objections to the wrapping. But for me it's all about context: She has none. She is a pretty thing. A desirable thing. She is a product, placed strategically, like the Nintendo 3DS box.
And hey, who wouldn't want one? But that's the thing. Seriously: Where is the love? The whole thing is just freaking bizarre. A virginal boy — is he looking for love? Or just for a good deal? And a sexy, dancing mannequin — is she for sale? Or what? What the hell is going on?
After we watched it, Sara and i talked about all the ways this could have been done differently. The idea of a Carey-Bieber team-up is not irredeemably bad. But there would have to be some major changes. First of all: get out of the mall! It is insane — just freaking ridiculously mindless, heartless and soulless — to be singing "i don't want a lot for Christmas... i don't care about the presents" in a bloody shopping mall. Ok. Then: get busy! Seriously, this is a love song. Why is Mariah not making out with somebody if she's so in the mood? And Bieber: do you hear what you're saying? Who are you singing about? Where are they? If the premise of a romance between the two singers is ruled out (and we might be grateful for that), then why not just tell parallel love stories? Is that hard to come up with?
So, in conclusion:
i hereby accuse the producers of this video of being completely devoid of Christmas spirit.
There, i said it.
Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and rock n' roll forever.
PS: here it is. Don't say i didn't warn you... But i must also provide the antidote! Hope is not lost, and the joy of the season can be quickly restored. To her credit, Ms. Carey has teamed up with Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and a bunch of awesome kids to perform her song in a way that can bring Christmas cheer even to those for whom the lights have lost their lustre.
Justin Bieber & Mariah Carey: "All I Want For Christmas Is You (SuperFestive!)"
Jimmy Fallon, Mariah Carey & The Roots: "All I Want For Christmas Is You" (w/ Classroom Instruments)
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